Need.

My heart is full.
It's a serene feeling really.

Nothing can touch me unless I give it permission.
I've felt this feeling before and it's only when I take refuge in the shadow of my Savior. The feeling of not needing anyone or anything.

I don't need riches.
I don't need to be entertained.
I don't need things.
I don't need salted caramel mochas.
I don't need a man (this was the hardest to admit).


All above statements are what I find personal happiness in. There are much more I could add but those are what come to mind. I can only say these things because my heart is full. Full with Jesus' mad love. He is my true source of joy.

I have found that nothing is fulfilling without Christ being the center of it. In everything I am doing or desire to do, I want nothing more than a Christ-centered and passionate life and everything else to fall in place after that. Nothing in this world is worth it to me anymore. I don't care if people call me crazy. In fact, CALL ME CRAZY! That's what I want to hear. That at the end of my life people would say that this world held nothing for me. Even the ones I love here on this earth couldn't keep me here any longer if my time came to leave it and spend eternity with Jesus. My soul yearns to be there.

I just pray that I would not get lost in the pleasures of this world again. In the world but not of the world. Such a hard verse to live by if I were on my own. My eyes have been opened and I am willing to admit that I NEED nothing less than Jesus.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

Happy Monday everyone!

xo

That sappy stuff

I think it's the sweetest thing whenever I see husbands post on FB or Instagram about how blessed they are to have such a godly, gentle, passionate, beautiful, and fun wife to journey through life with. You can just imagine the smile that swept across their face when they would recall how they first met and how it took him forever to build up the guts to ask her out on a date.

I pray that I can be that kind of wife to my future husband that he can't help but let the world know how lucky he is!

Let's be honest here... I love LOVE. Maybe I've experienced mere glimpses of it in my past relationships with people but I don't think I've come close to tapping into that secret tune that has the world humming love songs or those smiles that come out of nowhere just with the thought of that person. No, I don't think I quite get it yet. Not that I don't want to. I want it, trust me. I just don't want to be in a romantic relationship that will ever distract or take me away from my intimate relationship with God. I've been there and as hard as it was to walk away, I did. To most, this might not make sense. "You don't want a relationship because of your relationship with Jesus?" I know. Kind of confusing. There are many facets of love. The love I'm referring to in this entry is all that sappy stuff. The relationship I have with God is the way a little girl loves her father. Just thought I would clear the air. Hope that did the trick.

Anyways, I hope to marry a man that will display strong facets of who Christ is each new day so the more I fall in love with Christ I will continue to fall more in love with my husband. Someone I can learn from and grow with. That when I look into his eyes there would be a sort of soft form of grace and understanding. His hands ready to serve but ready to lead. A voice that holds authority but a sense of safety for me and our many children. Of course, I want to reciprocate that so I won't be the only one taking away from our relationship. I want to add laughter to his years and a home that he can find rest and support in physically and spiritually. Among other things.

Proverbs 31? You know, where it talks about the wife of noble character. Of course you do! Every Christian woman will hear about it at least once in their life.* That's the kind of woman I strive to be. Maybe one day I'll be able to bless a man like that.

*Or hundreds of times. You may even had to have studied so you could write it word for word with all the correct punctuation for your monthly exam in Biblical Application. No? Oh, well you missed out on some intense late night cramming.

Trust.

What's on my mind?

                 Italy.

  

      http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1315353855993 

Praying about the possibility of going to this beautiful country for 3 months and serving them by teaching ESL and bringing the gospel to the many that live there. If you're interested in joining me on this adventure just let me know...

#1 why God is my hero.

How could I run from Your great love? It is the very essence of my existance.

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Listen.

Have you ever just stopped and thought about how much noise we have in our life? Now when I say noise, I mean noise as in: distractions.  There are so many things that distract us from listening to the voice of God.  Our world and all it's glitter and glamor is like a pair of earphones.  They block out anything and everything and keeps out the rest of the world's happenings.  Another name for these earphones are "things that keep you really busy."  Now I'm not saying that being busy is a bad thing.  Not at all.  My point is that when we become so busy that we forget to stop and listen, spend sweet quiet time with Jesus.  He's right there trying to get your attention but we can't hear him until we simplify our lives and hearts.

Find what you've made your pair of earphones in your life and take them off! Listen. Be still... and get to know the God who is LOVE.

The Awakening

So this is just some of my thoughts. They aren't right or wrong. They are just my ramblings of what God has been opening my eyes to and I wanted to share...

When it comes to being awakened by God you CAN'T miss it! I imagine an alarm clock going off next to our sleeping heads. You can do just enough to get by and press the snooze button but in the next 5 to 10 minutes it's going to go off again. Or you could just sleep right through it and completely drown out and ignore the annoying buzzing sound taking place to wake you up and get your attention until you feel like stirring! Better yet, you could acknowledge the awakening and turn off the alarm but the next step is to get OUT OF BED and get going!! What's sad is that some people have turned off the alarm but they have gone back to sleep and won't wake up until it is too late. They have denied the fact that it is time to WAKE UP!

I admit that I have the hardest time waking up.... you can ask all my friends and family and they'll all tell you that I am a night owl. So when it comes to getting out of bed in the morning I really struggle with it. So many a times, probably too many, I have hit the "snooze" button.

This analogy really helps me to grasp the awakening of the Holy Spirit inside of us. Alarm clock = Holy Spirit. God uses the Holy Spirit to get our attention by convicted our hearts.

Are you in tune with the Holy Spirit? When we fail to check our alarm clocks to even see if they are on or is broken to where it won’t go off that’s when we get in trouble the next time we need to be woken up.

This world has become so desensitized to the Holy Spirit because of what we are surrounded by. My biggest pet peeve is cursing and dirty language but I hear it and see it everywhere!!! Music, TV, magazines, your fellow worker, etc. Now I can avoid some of these but I found myself compromising to some of it, especially when it came to music. Now don’t get me wrong. I love music but there is a lot of music out there that shouldn’t be. Anyways, I started listening to a lot more secular music that had inappropriate messages and words but I didn’t really notice it that much because I had grown “accustomed” to hearing it. When I was awakened to where I was going, it disgusted me and I hated it. That’s how we should view evil; as something disgusting and hateful. I’m not saying all secular music is evil but let’s be honest, a LOT of it is.

I excused myself from all secular music* and only listened to praise and worship. Now you may think this is an extreme… but I felt I needed to tune my heart and become sensitive to His presence again. For me, the only way I can prepare my heart for something like that is to listen to powerful worship.

Now I don’t only listen to Christian music. I love a lot of different artists. I am a fan of almost all genres. Yes, including country, for all of you who don’t think that is music. Although, when I came across some songs that had even one word of language or the message was twisted, I couldn’t believe how much it hurt me. It was almost like I felt like someone was punching my gut and twisting my insides out. That’s how I also feel when I watch scary movies. I can’t do it. My spirit had become so sensitive to things that weren’t pleasing to the Lord.

Please don’t confuse me as some super godly person that can’t even bear to look at something wrong. Sometimes I don’t recognize it as wrong. I still have SO much to work on… Just certain things affect me. Also, I’m not only referring to music here. That’s just where God opened my eyes. Find out where God is trying to wake you up.

My point is: is your alarm clock ready to go off when you need to wake up?

You know what’s even better?! I don’t know about you but I really don’t like being woken up by an alarm. It annoys the crap** out of me!

What’s better is when I’m so used to waking up early that I can pretty much just open my eyes at the exact same time each morning ready to go. My mom and I always say that it is God waking us up. How amazing that would be if we were so in tune with the Holy Spirit that we have God gently waking us up without the loud and obnoxious sounds. Just a soft whisper in the morning saying “Goodmorning, my beloved child. Look and see what a day I have created for you outside your window.” I don’t know about you, but that’s how I want to wake up EVERY morning!!

WAKE UP PEOPLE!!

“Like the rising sun that shines, from the darkness comes a light. I hear Your voice and this is my AWAKENING!”

*and I mean ALL!!

** Yes, I did just use that word. Homeschool shun, I know. :P

Let it be said of me....

In Christ alone will I glory

Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

A man on a white horse

Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid (as we're inclined to do),
I need not a handsome man
But let him be like You;
I do not need one big and strong
Nor yet so very tall,
Nor need he be some genius,
Or wealthy, Lord, at all;
But let his head be high, dear God,
And let his eye be clear,
His shoulders straight, whate'er his state,
Whate'er his earthly sphere;
And let his face have character,
A ruggedness of soul,
And let his whole life show, dear God,
A singleness of goal;
Then when he comes
(As he will come)
With quiet eyes aglow,
I'll understand that he's the man
I prayed for long ago.

-Ruth Bell Graham (collected poems, p. 35)

Only You

Dusty my soul tonight.
Earth has been dear.
Bewildered, I come to You,
Father God, hear.
Idols that charm me,
dreams that allure,
pains that alarm me,
suspense to endure,
memories that linger,
thoughts that ensnare,
a heart that is aching,
all crumpled by care,
unsatisfied, restless,
scarce able to pray—
everything, everything
take it away.
Only You,
none but You,
Jesus alone:
ashes the rest to me,
songs with a groan,
take them each one away—
mind not my tears—
lift me above this earth’s
joys and its fears,
give me Yourself alone—
nothing beside—
so will I be with You,
content,
satisfied!

-Ruth Bell Graham

[If] I marry...

If I marry: He must be so tall that when he is on his knees he reaches all the way to heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes in the whole lost world. He must be active enough to save souls. He must be big enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child.

-Ruth Bell Graham (at age 17)

Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

Psalm 139

Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in-  behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vasr is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.  When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!  Away from me you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

He Only Takes The Best...

God saw he was getting tired,
and a cure was not to be;
So he put His arms around him,
and whispered, "Come with me."
With tearful eyes
we watched him suffer,
and saw him fade away.
Although we loved him dearly,
we could not make him stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
hard-working hands to rest;
God broke our hearts
to prove to us,
HE ONLY TAKES THE BEST!

Today we went to a funeral for an old friend who was a father and husband of 55 years... and this was a poem that was on the front of the memory book.  It brought tears to my eyes as it reminded me of all those last moments we had with my dad before he was called home. 
Battling cancer is such a physical and emotional drain on the victim and those around him.  It was such a heavy weight on my dad's shoulders and the rest of my family. 
I'm so blessed that my relationship with him grew those last few years:)  So now I can say He truly only takes the best!!

To "live like you're dying"........

You hear the phrase "live like you're dying" quite often.  There is even a country song based off that line!  So why is it that we put so much importance in the things that mean nothing in the end?  Why is it only when we're losing ourselves that we realize what the valuable things in life really are?
When people receive the news of their time left to live, it is only then that they know what to go and make right.  They feel the urge to not put off til tomorrow what could be done today.  I know that if some of us knew the number of days we were to live, we would hurry to rush and finish the things we want to do.... we would stop procrastinating to do good and share the Truth!
Everyday we should be saying, "Just one more!  Lord, I just want to bring one more to Christ before you take me back home!"  Yet we shy away from opportunities and put it off til tomorrow...
Is there something that you feel God has asked you to do but you keep putting it off?  Pray about it.  Ask God to reveal to you what it is you're doing and make a change right now!! 
Live like you're dying!!! 
Live like Jesus is coming for you today!!!

When the music fades...

After finishing my 40 day journey through Rick Warren's book (Purpose Driven Life), which I do encourage you to read, there were some messages that really stood out to me that I would like to share from time to time.
You may have heard it before that your act of worship is not only singing praise songs in a building with fellow believers every Sunday, but it is how you live your life every moment of each day. I know that I had been told that many times but I didn't quite grasp it for the longest time, not until Warren shared the story about the man who wrote the song "Heart of Worship". This man challenged his church to look for different ways they could worship God besides singing songs. He had the worship team take a break for a while and there ended up being no praise and worship time for a few Sundays. In the meantime, while his congregation found the meaning of an act of true worship, he was writing a song. When the people came back again filled with joy, he played this song before anything else began. That song was the "Heart of Worship"... now if you remember the words to that song, you should now gain a better understanding of what it meant.
"... I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within, throught the way things appear. You're looking into my heart. I'm coming back to the heart of worship, where its all about You. Its all about you, Jesus. I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it..."

Be encouraged by this and I pray that you'll bring Him more than a song and worship Him in everything you do today!!

<3

"Home Address"

My home address?
Christ.
In Him I dwell,
wherever else I be.

As Bird in the air,
as branch in the vine,
as tree in the soil,
as fish in the sea.
He is my home.

My business address?
Here.

Little piney cove,
or London,
Corinth,
Calcutta,
or Rome,
Shanghai,
or Paris.

My business address?
Wherever He puts me,
but He is my home.

-Ruth Bell Graham